Time's a Tickin'

It is now Monday, and I will be having surgery (hysterectomy) on Wednesday. I'm trying to be relaxed about that for the sake of my family, but we are all a bit stressed at this point. I thought I'd blog about what is going on in my little head.


WHAT WILL BE NICE:

1. The pain and tenderness that has followed me most days for the last 1 1/2 years will be gone.
2. The super long, painful, frequent, heavy periods will be a thing of the past. In fact, I did the math. Over the next 20 years, I will be saving myself from 2,807 days of bleeding. Oh, my gosh!
3. My family will take really good care of me and of themselves.
4. I will have lots of time for reading and watching movies with happy endings.
5. We have so many people who have already stepped in to volunteer to help us out. We feel so loved!

THOSE NAGGING WORRIES:

1. I will have to learn how to sit back and let others take care of my family. It almost breaks my heart and makes me feel guilty at the same time.
2. How long will it be before I can really exercise again? There haven't been more than three days in a row in the last two years when I haven't exercised. It is part of my life. It is how I stay healthy. It is how I relax. It has become a big part of who I am. I already am having to bow out of my next two (and my favorite two) big races. Once I am forced to rest and recover, will I be able to get myself back out there?
3. Will my house be clean enough? (nope)
4. Will my attempts to make things easier for all those who will be caring for my kids be enough? Snacks in the pantry, a long-lasting hairstyle for Basia, paper plates in the cupboards, easy sandwich fillings in the fridge, schedules posted, helpers lined up, reminders galore. I know that none of the above really matters a bit. If I don't do any of it, everyone will still be fine. They'll figure things out and may even enjoy doing things their own way for a while, but that doesn't stop me from making my lists and checking them twice.
5. My gosh, they are going to be cutting me open and taking parts of my body out--forever! That's really going to hurt! Maybe even for a long time!
6. Will my last ovary do it's job, or will I be entering menopause at age 33? I guess I should have watched all those Oprah episodes on hormone replacements. Oops.
7. Will I freeze the entire time I'm in the hospital? I'm always cold. I'm good at layering and sitting right by a little portable heater. Will they let me wear a giant hooded sweatshirt over my lovely backless gown? What will that do to my IV? Will they notice if I pack my own extra blanket instead of pushing that little button again and again to remind someone that I asked for a blanket at 4:13 this morning.
8. Will I have a roommate? I don't exactly like small talk. And I have this feeling that I will be extra grumpy.
9. Will they remember that I need veggie broth to go along with my lime jello and hot tea?
10. Will people from church who are used to seeing me with slacks and a nice(ish) shirt on, not to mention make-up and some sort of hair style, show up to the hospital and see me bra-less, drugged, and with my rear end hanging out?
11. What secrets will I reveal to the doctor as I go under anesthesia? I prefer to be in control of what I am doing and saying.
12. My hair. Oh, my goodness, my hair. You should see me when I wake up in the mornings. Some of you will. It is not a pretty sight. Bozo the clown would be embarrassed! Cameras are certainly not allowed. I have my dad's curls. That is not a pretty inheritance after a few hours on a pillow.