Can I be honest for a minute? Can I embarrass myself and share some inner secrets? Thanks.
I just got back from my Tae Kwon Do class. Here's the deal: I often feel like an idiot during class. There you have it. It's true. Tae Kwon Do is so far removed from the "me" I've been my whole life, and I just have not been able to "own" it enough to take myself seriously.
Don't get me wrong, I love it. I just feel so, so strange hitting and kicking and taking myself seriously when I do it. I'm a lover, not a fighter. Peace, and all that jazz. Tonight I realized that I am always going to be held back by my inability to take myself seriously. I really feel like I am a weird wanna-be, dressing like her kids, and tagging along to their sports practice.
We were working on footwork for sparring tonight, adding in kicks at the end. I know I will only get good if I take myself seriously and do it with confidence. Guess what I noticed. I would be bouncing, waiting for the command to do the "check." It was a time to be serious and focus. Only, there's a mirror in front of me. Instead of focusing on my footwork and the move I am about to make, I am watching the mirror for parts of me that jiggle when I bounce.
Take that, opponent of mine.
Then I do my "check," and, in the split second before the added kick, I notice how my belly looks in the mirror. Seriously! How messed up is that???????? I am about to viciously kick my imaginary opponent, and I let my brain quickly wander to my body's flaws. AHHHHHHH!
What if I could be good at this sport? What if I could one day earn a black belt and really feel that I deserve it? What if the thing that is holding me back is a giant mirror and my sick obsession with my own body's imperfections? What if, instead, I accepted, even embraced, myself as a fighter (RRAAAHHHR!), jiggly bits and all, and showed a little confidence in what I am doing instead of worrying about how I look when I do it?
Yes, my friends, I had a good look at myself in the mirror tonight, and I realized it is time to stop looking at myself in the mirror already!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Brishen's Birthday, Too
We were in Sacramento on Brishen's birthday, but we made it home to celebrate the next day. He wanted green chile potato corn chowder...
-
I just looked at the website for the ultramarathon I am planning on doing in January and found out it is .5 of a mile longer than I had plan...
-
I don't know if I am cut out to be the mom of lots and lots of little boys after all. Here is an example of where my doubts start to r... -
We got to celebrate Super Wesley's 4th birthday... with hats... and 'staches... and a hand made R2D2 pinata t...
1 comment:
I pray that you can look at yourself the same way others look at you. I have the same issues along with so many others. You are so beautiful inside and especially on the outside. Tell your children every day how beautiful they are and maybe we can break the chain! Beauty is so much more than looking in the mirror. It also has to do with how much you love doing what you are doing, living a giving life, and loving!
Post a Comment