The Jet Ski Incident

AKA:  "Melani Learns She is NOT James Bond"

We just got back from a family reunion near Elephant Butte Lake.  There were jet skis available, so we spent some time on Saturday afternoon out on the water.  My family didn't have any previous jet ski experience.  Here's the story of my first experience along with pictures of several of us on the skis.

My first journey on the lake was on the tame yellow jet ski.  Brishen joined me.  I was a responsible parent.  It was a lot of fun.  I decided that I want my own jet ski.

My next trip out was with Basia.  We were on the more powerful red jet ski but I did not really know how to use it.  I was a responsible parent (or a parent who couldn't figure out how to get the dumb thing to GO), and we never went very fast.  It was sort of fun, but I was starting to feel a need for speed.

Meanwhile, others took turns and had some fun of their own.  My cousin, Lori, told me that I needed to go out by myself.  She did not like the fact that my hair still looked nice while hers was a bit more weathered.  She said that I could go faster on my own and that my hair may get a bit of spray from the lake.  Damp hair.  That was my goal.

I finally journeyed out on the red jet ski all by my lonesome, no responsible parenting needed.  My cousin's son (my 2nd cousin?  1st cousin once removed??) challenged me to a race.  I went sort of fast but screamed like a school girl whenever I went too fast or hit a slight wave in the water.  Fear kept me somewhat sane...for a while.

I finally started going fast.  Really fast.  I had a smile plastered to my face that just wouldn't leave.  I couldn't believe that I had thought jet skis were fun when I was just puttering along with my kids. 

Now, THIS was seriously fun, this unbridled speed. 

I am, by nature, slow.  At everything.  E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!  This was probably the first time in my life that I really got to let loose and leave others behind.  This was a wonderful moment in my life.  I was fast and free!

But then there came a boat into my peripheral vision.  It was headed in the same direction I was headed.  We were on course to meet if I did not change my course soon.  I could have jumped the boat with my jet ski like James Bond no doubt would.  I was (a little) realistic, though.  I knew my chances were better if I turned. 

Only-- I was going fast.  I had done some fun turns before, but I had always somewhat slowed down first.  Not this time.  I didn't plan ahead enough to slow down.  I just turned.  Well, let me rephrase that.  I turned my jet ski.  My body did not follow it.  My body flew in an entirely different direction.

I would like to say that I made a really cool dive into the refreshing water.  Only, I really cannot tell you exactly what I did.  The next thing I knew my lungs were full of water and my rear end hurt like crazy.  Evidence suggests there was nothing graceful about my dismount. 

I didn't have time to choke up the water because I needed to swim back to the jet ski.  Safety first.  Choking later.  I'm pretty sure that's part of the Jet Ski 101 class that I didn't take.  Once I had my hands on the ski, I let myself choke and gag up the gallons of icky water in my lungs. 

I then attempted to climb aboard.   Attempted, I said.  I was a bit worn out from the vigorous swim to safety.  Attempt 1 reminded me of my mom's long, squatty dogs who can't always make it onto the couch on their first try.  Yes, I was now the squatty one.

I could have wimped out and gone to the lower back part of the jet ski.  However, I still had a touch of pride left in me.  I KNOW I am strong enough to hoist myself up there on the not-so-low part.  I decided to let myself breathe a while.  That was a good choice, as air flow in and out of previously-water-filled lungs is a good thing.  Water out.  Air in.  I then hoisted myself up there.  I'm sure it was graceful looking.  I'm just sure of it.

I reinserted the key and started the engine for my ski-of-shame ride back to the others.  I did not go so fast.  I did not make any sudden turns, or any turns at all.  I did not have a smile plastered to my face.  I did not love the jet ski quite so much.  My butt was sore from some sort of impact that would likely have won me some big bucks on that funny video show, had someone been filming. 

What's more, I noticed a few moments into my ride back that my glasses were gone.  Long gone.  Being worn by a fish on the bottom of the lake, no doubt.  Yep, more proof that I am not James Bond. 

Today my hiney hurts, I have a neck that suggests whip lash, and I have to either squint really hard or wear prescription sunglasses.  Inside.  At night.  Yep, I'm cool like that!