Toddlers at the Table

If you don't sit at the table and watch EVERY move, this is some of what will happen at our toddler dining table:

1.  spitting (chew the bite, spit it so you can do the same with the very next bite, or take a drink and spit it all across the table.  repeat often until everything is soaked and mom wants to cry!)
2.  throwing (bites of anything gross--veggies of most sorts--go directly to the floor or across the table at your toddler friend on the other side)
3.  yelling ("1, 2, 3, AHHHHH!"  is a favorite game around here)
4.  dunking (your hands into cereal, soup, mac and cheese, and other such fare because it's obviously faster than using that annoying spoon)
5.  stealing (from the nearest baby.  pull the high chair closer until you can steal the yummy stuff off the baby's tray or sneak the unwanted stuff onto the same tray)
6.  peeing (gross, I know.  a child who has virtually no accidents most of the time just happens to think table time is the perfect time for one or more daily accidents.)
7.  dumping (the contents of your plate or bowl onto the table because food always tastes better when it has been properly spread out for all to examine)
8.  splashing (go-gurt looks really great on the windows and walls after you spill some and smack it over and over until there is none left on the table--milk and water are similarly fun to splash, and who says that a sippy cup is "no spill"??)
9.  cleaning (it is fun to clean the table when done eating!  to do so, toss every last bit of food, every utensil, every plate, every cup, and every napkin onto the floor)
10.  licking  (every last drip of milk must be licked out of your bowl.  likewise, pasta bowls must be thoroughly licked until the top of the bowl has fully saturated your hair with marinara, your eyebrows are tinted red)
11. whining ("I waaaaaaant _______________!" (repeat this phrase over and over as nasally as possible.  no matter how organized the mom is, there is sure to be something she forgot to give you or something yummy you finished within ten seconds or something your neighbor toddler still has on his or her plate that you want on your own or some sort of dip that would taste especially yummy licked straight off the plate)




It has taken me a while, but I think I finally decided it is better to sit and eat every meal with them from start to finish than to wait and see what sort of mischief will ensue.  I used to think that it was good to take advantage of those rare moments when they are each strapped into their respective seats to put in a load of laundry or take a 3-minute shower or see what that-girl-who-sat-in-front-of-me-in-4th-grade is ranting about on facebook.  Now I'll just have to skip showers and laundry and facebook altogether, at least for the next 4 years or so.