What Must It Feel Like?

Our Miss Personality turns 1 in a few days, and we are so excited to be able to share this huge milestone with her.  But...

What about her mom?

What must she be going through?

I can't shake the feeling that this must be really tough on her, that her heart is breaking.  She was the one who was there those first moments, one year ago.  This is the time when moms and dads get to look back on that miraculous first year and marvel at the changes and joy that their little ones have brought into the family.

I feel a little like an impostor, getting to buy the cake and presents and outfit and favors.  Would her mom like the cake?  Like the theme?  Like the outfit?  How would her mom do her hair that day?  When Miss Personality moves on to a relative's house or heads back home, will they erase any evidence that she celebrated this big day with someone else?  Will that day always be a blank spot in her history, a day no one wants to talk about or remember?

I don't know the answer to any of those questions and never will.

We will celebrate like we have forever together, like we would celebrate with any forever child of ours.  We will sing with gusto (and out of tune) and beam with pride.  We will be excited to see what she will do with her very own cake, and the camera will flash in her face repeatedly.

But in the back of my mind, I will be thinking of her mom.