5 Months Ago Today

5 months ago today an 18-month old little boy was dropped off at our house.  He was wearing Spongebob pajamas and work boots with the laces long and untied.  He had a big red bump on his forehead that looked pretty ugly.  He was in an infant carseat that was definitely too small for him.  He was in a diaper that was way too big.  He had a small bag of cute clothes, most a few sizes too small.

He shed no tears when he was handed over to us, total strangers.  He played right away, smiling and laughing.  His main interest was the food he could see.  A banana in sight meant a banana he needed to eat.  Three bananas in sight meant three bananas he needed to eat.  Seeing food caused obvious stress unless it was in his hand.

Yesterday we were officially asked if we would be the adoptive resource for this little man, as his primary goal is now non-relative adoption.  I got a little defensive when he was described as "homeless" and we were told that they could find him another home if we were not interested in adoption.  His social worker knows that we have a house full of kids, so she wasn't sure if we were interested in keeping any of them on a long-term basis.  That little guy is certainly not homeless.  He is home.  He is staying.

Now, in the adoption world, nothing is set in stone until finalization.  The next court date is months away, and even that doesn't bring us anywhere near finalization.  An investigator will search for the parents, the dad never stepping forward and the mom now gone for months.  Miracles happen, and parents can come back and work like crazy later in the case.  It's possible.  We accept that and understand that fully.  We know how foster parenting works, and we know the long list of things that could happen that would result in our little guy being handed over to someone else.

But for now, the primary goal is for him to be adopted by us!  That is pretty exciting.  Basia heard the social worker ask us about "adoption," and she was beaming the rest of the day, wanting to carry him around and fully enjoy this brother of hers.  I found myself just watching him play and smiling.

If little boys are made of "slugs and snails and puppy-dog tails," little boys who have been pretty severely neglected are a bit (a lot) more complicated.  This little guy is no different.  He learned to fight for every little thing he got, and he can't let that side of him go just because he is now safe and sound.   He learned that food is a treasure that must be sought after and consumed no matter how full your tummy is because you can never know for sure if there will be more.  He may never be able to turn that feeling off.  The look on his face when he sees food that is not his for eating is a pretty sad sight, even after 5 months of regular meals and snacks and a full tummy.  If the kitchen is not gated off, he can often be found searching for crumbs in the high chair or on the floor.  We have seen him try to get food out of the trash.  The entire rest of the world faded away when a candy at a parade was put away for later, as he stared and stared at the backpack where the candy had been placed, unable to do anything else.

Yes, our little man has issues.  There is no guarantee the issues won't always be there, or that they won't get bigger at times.  We cannot fully know how his early neglect will effect him in the years ahead or how it will effect the rest of us. But this child is not homeless.  No way.  He is home.  He is staying.  How exciting!