The Name Game

Here we are, two months (ish) before our adoption of Mr. Strut.  It is time to fill out paperwork, call the lawyer, and get that magical date.  I was filling out the paperwork yesterday and saw the space for "Child's Adoptive Name," and my heart sort of stopped.  I put the pen away and still have not finished filling out the paperwork.  That is a really big step on this journey, and the finality took me by surprise.

I truly remember the day Brishen was born and how very, very strange it seemed that the little guy in my arm's name was Brishen just because I said it was.  That's a lot of power to have.

During all these months of being a foster parent, of the ups and downs and never knowing how the cases would turn out in the end, the idea of renaming anyone never crossed our minds.  When it started to look like we would be able to adopt one or more of these children, we thought about things like slightly changing some spellings, giving them our chosen middle name, and of course having a family with one, and only one, last name instead of the 4 different last names we have right now.

We were actually fine with their names.  We are used to their names.  We have called them these names for a long time at this point, so they just seem to fit.

Then a social worker laid out a convincing case as to why she feels one or more of our children's names should be changed at permanency.  It was a very surprising conversation, but, after really thinking over her reasons, we decided that we need to change their names.

All their names.

It is not a decision we are taking lightly.  The reasons are real and important.  We know that name changes will be confusing to the children, although those who have done it before claim that kids are able to switch pretty easily at these ages.  I hate that the two toddlers love to tell me how to spell their names and recognize the first letter of their names.  Oops.  We know it will be confusing to cousins and grandparents and friends and church nursery staff and even Jon and I.  It will.

I still remember when my cool cousin "Ricky" grew up and really wanted to be called just "Rick."  That was tough!  I remember years later when my cousin "Christina" fully embraced Judaism and, with it, the name "Shirah."  Family reunions are still confusing with a mix of those who have accepted the change and those who have not done so.

We have a few things on our side.  Most of the extended family have not even met my children, yet, so there shouldn't be an issue there.  The kids are very young, so we don't have 20, 30, or 40 years worth of one name to get past.  They are 1, 2, and 3.  We can make this into a very special, "you are joining our family FOREVER and, as such, get to have new, special names that we have chosen just for you!" event.  After this post, that will be our go-to response when people ask us why we have changed their names.  The reasons are private, so those who ask will be told that it was just something we chose to do at adoption.

So, I have spent the morning on baby naming websites.  It is soooo tough finding names that fit our fancy and also their personalities.  I love the name "Solon" for a boy and wanted to use that name years ago.  Yeah, it's not going to happen because the vibe of "Solon" just doesn't match the personality of the child who would receive that name.  I liked the name, "Ezra" until Jon reminded me that the Biblical Ezra wanted all foreign children to to be sent away from the land.  Maybe that's not the best fit for my little family.

Here, I am, with the paperwork that should have been mailed today.  It's time to bite the bullet, take that big step, and put the first new name on the blank.  Once again, it seems so strange that this child will always have this name just because we say so.  We have determined exactly one name out of three.  Luckily, we only need one name right now.  Here is the official unveiling, Mr. Strut shall be, herefore (well, legally in June), known as:

Zade Elias Moore