There was a time when we thought that things always worked as they were supposed to work. Zade's case was textbook. His first parents were give one year to complete their case plan in order to have him returned to them. They did not come close to completing in, so their rights were terminated at the final hearing at the 1-year point. There was a 90-day period for appeals and for close family to get one last chance to come forward as the adoptive resource. We adopted Zade 94 days after the final hearing when no one appealed and no family came forward.
It worked exactly as they say it is supposed to work, so we thought we were living in a great part of a great state with great foster care rules. Parents were given a full chance to get their kids back, but they had to do their part-quickly. If not, the kids were given permanency elsewhere. Nice.
We had previously given Miss Personality back to her mom days before the 1-year point. Her mom had done everything asked of her, and that 1-year-mark was big and serious. She was given her permanency with her mom before the deadline. Again, the system was working just like we were told it should work. Nice.
The next case, the one for Cassia and Edison, was moving in the same direction as Zade's. The parents did not come close to completing their case plan. The final hearing was scheduled at the 1-year mark. The parents relinquished right before the hearing. We were told we would be adopting the kids at the end of July, 90-some days after the relinquishment. Nice.
Only it's now May again, over one year after that relinquishment day in April 2013. A whole other July is coming around the bend, and permanency is still nowhere to be seen. It's been nothing but delays and heartbreaks. The system is certainly not working for quick permanency for these children. Not nice at all.
Then there is the case of Sir Smiles. He came to us only in September, but he had already been a foster child in two other homes before he joined us. His 1-year mark was steadily approaching when he came. We were told that he was very near permanency, very near returning to his dad. We thought he'd be leaving us in November, then December, then January. Things happened with his parents that made it impossible for the state to return him. The parents were told that their time was running out and that there was no room for error, but the state was bluffing. The parents were allowed 6 weeks full of fairly big errors and still given an extension to try some more for another six months. I was pretty shocked when the final hearing date passed and the extension was granted since we had been told that things like that just didn't happen much around here, especially for little ones who so badly need permanency as soon as possible. We are now just over half way through the six month extension, and the parents have made even bigger errors in the past months. The goal for Sir Smiles is now to be adopted by a relative or to be given permanent guardianship by a relative, although no relative homestudies have begun. Sir Smiles will celebrate his 2nd birthday next month, and he has not lived with his family since he was a little 7-month-old baby. If and when he goes to this relative, he will be moving to his 5th home and family in his short 2 year life. This is not a system that is working for him. Not nice at all.
The cases of Sir Smiles and Cassia and Edison have left Jon and I more jaded than we realized. We held a lot more doubt than hope when the 1-year mark hit for Poky Puppy and Thing 1. We figured that an extension would be given for one reason or another. I had coached myself and coached myself on how to respond with grace when I would get the news that the final hearing was not held as scheduled. I was sick with nerves last night and found it very hard to focus on anything this morning until I got the news. I am overjoyed that the system IS working for these boys. I don't know what will happen next. I don't know that their case will end in permanency in another 90-plus days. I can't garner that much hope or faith. I just know that we have had the first forward movement in a case in a very long time, and that is a nice thing to behold right now.
I don't take lightly this forward movement. I know it is not all joy. I know my boys lost their first mom today, forever. I know their first mom lost her boys today, forever. I know that ruling will affect all of them all the days of their lives, and will also affect us if the boys do stay. I just know that this loss was better for the boys than the alternative of going home or remaining in the system for an extra six months. The system is working. Nice!
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