"Parentified"

That's a big, ugly word in the foster/adopt world.  Beware the big sister or brother who comes to you parentified!  It means they are used to being the parent figure and taking care of their sibling(s).  It means they are independent and not likely to want to give the reigns to someone else.  It means they may need to be taught to let go of responsibility and control and stress and learn how to be a kid again.

When Cassia joined us, she earned the nickname "Miss Independent" for a reason.  That girl was 2 years and 2 months old, which is several months younger than Edison is now.  She could easily fully dress herself, including changing her own diaper and putting on her own shoes--on the right foot every. single. time.  She also knew how to change the diaper of her new baby brother.  This girl felt she was in charge of herself and her brother and it took her some time to let go.  Truth be told, that "Miss Independent" is still at the core of her being.  She has to be watched around babies because there is just something inside her that tells her she is in charge and can be the mom in any way she chooses.  She sees no reason why she should not be given baby Roo for her own to feed and change and carry and care for.  She gets in trouble for trying to mother him all. the. time.  Cassia is an amazing little girl, and we have very few discipline issues with her.  She plays well with absolutely everyone and amazes me all the time with what she can do and learn and know.

Parentified.

I was thinking about that term again today.  It was actually Cassia who reminded me of it.  I needed to use the restroom (TMI), and Cassia let me know that she would "keep an eye on the boys" for me until I got back.  She's such a little Basia who is such a little mom.  Uh-oh, are my girls parentified?

I don't think they are.  I think they are girls.  They watch me carefully and like to do what I do.  They are responsible and reliable and helpful to the core.  Why, yes, they are quite bossy quite often, too.   It's hard not to boss the boys around when the boys will gladly do whatever they're told, I suppose.  I have big dreams for my girls to follow all of their own big dreams.  If one of those dreams happens to include being a mom, I think my girls will be quite good at it.

I'm pretty sure that we moms are bossy, too.