Whom Shall I Love Today?

If I wake up on the right side of the bed, that's the question I want to ask God each morning.  I too often forget, though, but it is so exciting when I remember and God shows me someone new to love.

We are at a crossroads of sorts.  We see the finalization date for Asa in the not-too-distant future--maybe April.  That will be the perfect opportunity to close our doors as a foster home.  We will have a beautiful, complete family of 8 kids, which is so much more than we had ever dreamed of having.  Closing our home has been my plan for a while.  We will close our home the very day after Asa's finalization.  That's The Plan.

Ah, but plans haven't worked out like we thought at any point in this journey.  What is God's plan?  We have long been licensed for 10 kids.  We spent much of last year with 9 kids, and it was great.  Is there someone still missing from our family?  Our agency director feels that there are two more kids who need us, and I know we have space and love for more.  I watch the new Annie and cry at the thought of kids thinking no one wants them.  I watched The Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete and want so badly to help the children and the families.  Mother Teresa said that we cannot do it all but can help one.  One.  One.  Is there one more we are supposed to embrace around here?

Things are REALLY good around here right now.  We are in a groove.  Is this our forever groove that just keeps getting better or the calm before the storm.  I don't know!!

I have no idea what the answer to that is, so, when I am in my best frame of mind, I ask God "whom shall I love today?"

Is the answer one or two more foster or adoptive kids?  Not, yet.  Maybe not ever, and that is fine with me.

One day the answer was a homeless woman who approached me for money.  Yes, I gave her money, but I knew she needed a hug, a big hug.  I don't know how I knew, but I knew.  I am not a big hugger, especially with strangers, but I gave her a big, long hug in addition to some money.  I just felt it.

One day it was a family downtown who had their growing twins stacked into a single stroller.  They needed my double stroller more than I did.  The stroller was right there in my van.  I stopped the mom and asked her if she wanted a bigger stroller.  I had asked God who I should love that day, and the answer of this family showed up in front of me.

Another day I saw a post on Facebook about a homeschool family who had an infant in the hospital and needed help with their older boys.  Kids are right up my alley, and I knew we could help.  Basia loved having the boys over for a couple days.  I'm not sure we were the ones helping them!  We had never met this family before, but the baby girl has a long road ahead of her, and I hope that they can count on us day or night if things get rough.

Many days I think God's answer to the question of who is in need of love is one of my own children who is having a rough day and needs me to go the extra mile and love more than I discipline.  I need to get better at listening to God on those days.  I think the answer quite often is my husband, and I know I need to work on being a more loving wife in lots of ways.

There will be days when God asks me to jump in and love someone new who has a big or little need right in front of me.  I love those days since I FEEL like I am doing a little something right.  More often it is going to be something smaller and someone closer, and I will have to work harder at discerning and following God's push.  I may go to bed without ever realizing that I did or did not love the person I was asked to love.  I may also go to bed knowing without a doubt that I missed an important opportunity.  I want my eyes to be wider every day, but that doesn't mean that they are.

If God wants us to love another foster child, that's awesome (but scary, of course).  We know it is doing God's work to take in a child in need of a home.  That's a given.  If God is ready for us to move on from this season of our life, I hope I recognize the signs.  It is moving from a known calling to the unknown, and I don't know if I'm smart enough to figure out how I am to best serve in other ways.  I know I have plenty to do at home and that raising these kids the best I can is a worthy calling, but I want to raise them all to care about those who need us by being a good example.  I want them to love others and to learn that at home.

If each day I ask "whom shall I love today" and learn to recognize the people God places in my path, I don't need any other calling or plan for life.  I know that.  Instead of praying for God to light the path in front of me so I know exactly where I am to go and what I am to do, I want to trust and simply ask that question each day and be ready for an answer.  The rest will work itself out in time.