My Mission Field

Not long ago there was a lot of talk in my church denomination about "mission fields."  Churches were asked to really determine their mission field, who they were supposed to be serving.

I had a clarifying moment about my own mission field when I was in Dallas with Brishen.

Jon travels quite a bit--nothing like my brother-in-law who travels the globe for his job, but still quite a bit.  I'm the one who stays home and keeps the kids alive and the house in a somewhat sane state.  I never minded that or thought much of it at all.

There was a time in my life when traveling the world as part of my career was my dream.  There was a time much later when my two sweet kids were getting older and more independent when I thought that it was about time for me to start going on mission trips to the Congo with our conference or Hungary with our church.

More recently I have been wondering what happened to those dreams.  Do I still want to go on mission trips to far away lands?  What is my mission field?

Then I went to Dallas.  I hadn't flown in a while.  Jon actually laughed out loud at my questions about checking in for our flight.  I made some silly mistakes (waiting in line at the check-in counter to get boarding passes when there are computers everywhere that do the same thing with no lines, etc.).  It was the first time I have been the one to rent a car in probably my whole life.  I don't know what sort of scams the guy was trying to pull (get my own gas or pay for them to gas it up?).  I drove a rental van for about a month when our own was in the shop but this rental car was fancy.  Seats that warm your butt and side mirrors that beep at you if someone is in your blind spot sort of fancy.  It was scary signing my life away to drive someone else's fancy vehicle.  Don't even get me started on navigating the Dallas area when there are more freeway exits closed for construction than ones that are actually open.  I finally set my GPS to the setting where it will take you 392 miles out of your way just to avoid interstates.  It took us forever to get places, but it was much less stressful than trying to get over 8 lanes to the exit only to find it barricaded 12 times in a row.

The entire time we were there, I had one feeling.  I was out of my element, and I did not like it.  I really felt like I had been in a zone for over a year, and this was my first time out.  I felt foggy.  I felt confused.  I felt downright strange.  I no longer really know how to function in the world outside of extreme motherhood.  Please don't tell mothers of quads or mothers of 18 kids that I called my situation "extreme motherhood," but it does feel like its own alternate reality where there is something to do every minute and someone who needs you all the time.

It really should have been a breath of fresh air to get away with just my oldest, but, quite frankly, it wasn't.  I did truly enjoy the time with Brishen.  I had forgotten how even one child can talk and talk and talk.  I loved hearing every single thing he said.  I think he liked having my ear to myself, and I really do enjoy the young man he has become.

What I realized is this:  I have a mission field.  I have a place where I am called to be.  I have a person I am called to be.  My mission field is not in the Congo, as I had once hoped.  My mission field is not in an orphanage in Burundi, as I once dreamed.  I am not called to run an NGO or lead a Bible study.  For this season in my life, my mission field is in El Paso.  It is in my home.  It is with my children.  Maybe I need counseling to find out why I no longer know how to function away from all my kids, but to me, the fog I felt when I was gone was a clarifying experience.

I am truly a different person than I was a year ago, and there is no going back.  I have so far to go before I become the mom I want to be to these children.  I mess up every single day and sometimes every minute in a day.  I have a lot to learn about my mission field before I reach that "perfect in love" Jon recently preached about.  But man am I going to try to get a little closer today and a little closer than that tomorrow.  I have been blessed with an amazing mission field, and I hope that someday my kids will feel they were blessed with a mom who loved them enough to get down on her knees in order to become a better person for them.

Sappiness over.  I will post something silly soon.  There's plenty of that around here!