Hugging Her Enough to Last a Lifetime

I haven't even even gotten around to picking a good online nickname for her.  I think she needs a nickname like "Moose" or "Bull in a China Shop," but those don't sound very girly, even though they do seem to fit her current toddler self.

Now are days with her are coming to an end.  We still haven't been given an exact date when she will leave us, but we know it is soon, likely this coming week.  She has been with us for 2.5 months.  She didn't cry a bit when they dropped her off.  She went right into the play room and played.  The first few days, she seemed to have no need for the adults in the family.  She loved Basia.  She played with the kids.  She didn't give Jon or I much notice.

After about a week, she started to take notice of me, come to me, and want me to hold her and read to her.  Fast forward to today.  She is now my clingiest child ever.  All the other kids will be outside having a great time, and she is holding onto my skirt "helping" me cook or clean or do laundry.  She wants to be held any time we are away from home.  She doesn't want anyone on my lap because she believes that is her spot.  Even when she is on my lap, she wants to be closer to me, leaning her face closer and closer to mine.

I'll admit that it gets frustrating to always have someone hanging onto me.  Now that we know she will soon be moving on to her grandparents' house, I remind myself many times that I only have a few more days to give her enough hugs and love to last a lifetime.  I hope and pray that her grandparents will love and adore her, but there are no guarantees in these kids' lives.  I have these last few days to help her feel like she is worthy of complete love and affection.  I have these last few days to make up for the hard life she has already had to lead and to make up for this next loss she will face.  I just can't let myself think of how she must feel and what she must think when she never sees us again.  That's the part of foster parenting that is just too painful to bear.  Our own loss seems hard, but knowing that foster care brings even more loss for these kids is heartbreaking.

My prayer for every single kid who enters my home (and in foster care, in general) is that they can get where they are supposed to be as quickly as possible.  If they are supposed to go back home, I pray their parents will work like crazy to get them back right away.  If they will be raised by relatives, I pray that there it will happen right away.  If they are meant to stay her forever, great.

My prayers have been answered in Mini-Moose's case.  OK, she has a nickname.  To have a relative homestudy completed and two states agree on all the placement details so quickly is nothing short of amazing.  This gives me hope that her grandparents really, really want her.  That her mom is willing to let her go so far away gives me hope that she really wants what is best for Mini-Moose.  I am hoping that she is about to make her final move to the family she will be with for the rest of her childhood.  I am hoping that we made a difference in her life by getting some medical and dental issues dealt with and by showing her a different sort of love and family.  I hope that, from this week on, her life will become stable and normal and she will have a happy childhood.

She gets the credit in our family for opening us back up to a willingness to foster.  We were so close to walking away from fostering, but then another little girl desperately needed us.  Mini-Moose needed us.  Accepting her placement was a clarifying moment for us.  She needed us, but we needed her, too.  She reminded us that our city has so many little ones who need homes. We needed that reminder at that moment.

So, I will let her hang onto my skirt this week.  I will sit down and hold her on my lap.  I will read her all her favorite books over and over.  I will give her enough hugs to last a lifetime.   Then I will let her go, never to see her or hear about her again.