Craving "Normal"

The celebrations are over (for now), and I ache to get back to normal.  "Back to normal" is a weird thought because we have had so little of it for years now.  The reality is that most of my kids were victims of trauma in their early lives.  That makes routine and "normal" even more important in our lives, especially for two of my boys.

Zade.  Oh, Zade.  A change of routine, no matter how good or fun, wreaks havoc on him, and the road back to "OK" is long and hard.  How could one day of fun or one week of vacation or one new caregiver or a sibling going to school or one change of another sort set us back years in his growth and progress?  It does.  Plain and simple.

When we take a vacation, he has a great time.  The second we get home, he is an angry, weepy, stressed out little boy.  The Zade in my house right now is that very hurt and angry boy after days of adoption, baptism, and birthday celebrations.  The kids are all playing together with Brishen right now, and Zade keeps falling just walking down the halls from room to room.  He cannot even walk safely right now.  He then breaks out in inconsolable wails and runs to me with his list of grievances or injuries.  He hits at the slightest perceived slight from a sibling.  He craves water, never ending water, every second of the day, wanting to fill something up inside of him that is empty.  He is at the cliff, ready to tantrum or lash out at every second if only he thinks of a reason.  He hit his first sibling before he even left his room this morning, moments after waking.

I am used to this by now.  The first time it happened, after a trip to Colorado that he thoroughly enjoyed, it was very confusing.  It most often takes six full weeks to get him back to a really good place.  Sometimes now it takes less time, so I know there is overall progress.  My dream is that someday he can have a great day or a great weekend without a major fall-out, but, the reality is, it may never happen.  He will get older and the stress will manifest differently, but he very well may still feel it.  Maybe one day he will be able to recognize that bad feeling starting to descend and rationalize it better.  I don't know.

For now, we are in the storm after the fun.  We are in the place where we hold on tight and remember the why and that time and routine will bring back the calm.  I can't force him out of this reaction with time-outs, lectures, or consequences, though there will be some of each.  We will give him the structure and "normal" he needs and ride it out.