Well, anyway, back to my Christmas dilemma. I have 8 kids. Have I mentioned that? We have a lot of stuff. It makes me queasy to think of adding three gifts each plus a stocking full of little stuff to the accumulation of things we already have to trip over and lose under the couch and fight over.
Here's the math: 8 kids times 3 gifts each equals 24 new toys!!
Now that doesn't include gifts that others may want to bless the kids with. I am also going to do my best to opt out of having the whole family on the angel tree this year, as is the usual with our foster care agency. I really, really hope they will let us skip it this year. We will also pass on the foster family association Christmas party where I'm told they have a huge room full of toys and bikes, and the kids get to take as much as they can carry.
Ba humbug, I guess.
But have you seen The Gods Must Be Crazy? When the idea of ownership first enters the remote African village, it is not good. The same is true with my crew. I was once very concerned with making sure they each had their own belongings and toys, even though most things are communal. Gracious me when someone dares touch a toy that someone else was given two birthdays ago and never touches. Communal toys equal peace around here. Ownership does not bring out positive actions in my toddlers and preschoolers. Aren't many of us trying to avoid the pull of materialism and the need to acquire more and more possessions, anyway? I know I am.
To add to my feelings on this topic, we are studying tough (toxic) sibling relationships in one of my Bible studies right now. There are lots of Biblical examples of how to mess up sibling relationships, and I am trying to figure out how to do a better job with my own that some Biblical parents did. We were even given a modern example of a lady whose mom was extremely careful to make sure that every single thing one of her children was given was also given in equal measure to her other child. Everything was very equal and fair. She is now grown and feels that this made her hyper aware of making sure she got her fair share. It didn't bring the siblings together. It encouraged them to always watch out for themselves.
Our family is still very new, with a baby whose time with us is still measured in months (not enough to be recognized as significant in the court of law) and two others only with us a few months more than that. We are still working out bonds and relationships and trying to be a cohesive family unit where all the kids love and value each other. We are not even close to being there, yet. We are really far away from that some days. Competitiveness and jealousy are big issues around here. Some would say that I should have stopped at far fewer kids, but I think that we just need time to soften some edges and get some kids to truly care about the needs of the others and not just their own. That's hard when they have years of experience of not having their own needs met very well at all. I do believe we will get there. We won't be perfect, but my kids will love each other.
That's deep for Christmas shopping, isn't it? Jon would laugh. Whatever we decide to do will be fine and not evolutionary or life changing. I just wish I could think of some gift or gifts that would not overrun our play room, not make kids fight or feel possessive, and create some opportunities to enjoy each other. We did a good job of that with their adoption gifts (a pool slide for C and E and some tree swings for S and T). They all enjoy those gifts together with minimal fighting and no ownership claims. We just don't really need anything else that I can think of right now, so I'm at a loss. Oh, well, I still have 70ish days to decide.
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| I do actually have one gift purchased and wrapped, even though it was an accidental purchase (doggone 1-click ordering!). It's for Jon, though, so I'm still 24 gifts shy of goal. |
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