We had asked our agency to put us on hold (mostly) until the end of March as we packed up our whole house for a move. A week later, we said yes to fostering Miss Personality. Two weeks after that we received the call for a little 18-month-old boy. Oh-hold meant no large sibling groups, I guess.
Zade Elias (he likes his middle name to be included)
We had no idea when he walked into our lives and into our home that Zade was here for keeps. He walked in wearing his hiking boots and Spongebob pajamas and begging us to eat every banana he could see. Two and a half years later, he still hasn't stopped asking for food!
He had the cutest little strut. He could only say a handful of words, but the Early Intervention team knew instantly that he was smart and only needed a chance to learn all he could learn. They were right! He wanted held...a lot. I held him...a lot. He knew how to wipe his own tears, which was the sweetest, yet saddest thing I had seen.
I don't know how much to share about Zade and the journey we are on together. Out of all my kids, he makes me worry and second guess and question myself and all that I do. I don't want to boil him down to labels because he is so much more than that. The reality is, though, that he missed out on learning how to form bonds and attachments when it was so important for his little brain. When he cried for food or touch or sleep or a diaper change, his needs were not met in any consistent way. The effects that had are big and numerous. I searched the archives for my first words about Zade because my mind has already become foggy about his early days. These are some of my first words about my son, and I don't know how much progress we have made even two-plus years later:
Mr. Strut is a survivor. That is what I am realizing. He fights all the time, but it is because that is how he survived his first 18 months. He can't just turn that off now that he is safe and well-fed and taken care of. He sees confrontation where there is none. He sees danger when there is none. He feels slighted when he isn't. We have a long road ahead of us, so we will go one step at a time.
There are so many beautiful parts of his personality, and I am proud that he is a survivor. Life has tried to knock him down too many times, and that child gets right back up and puts a smile on his face and gives it his all once again. He is amazing. He'll hug anyone. When he is in the right frame of mind, he makes friends so much easier than any of the other little ones. Kids love him. He's fun and bold and willing to do just about anything. He learns so quickly when something is taught in the right way. That brain of his is amazing if you let it work its magic. He is also one of the main nurturers in the family. If someone is sad or hurt or the baby is upset, he is first to the scene to survey the damage and apply a band-aid, shake a baby toy, or sooth an emotional would.
There are so many complex facets wound up into one precious Zade. I feel a lot of pressure to do things just right as his parent, and I mess up ridiculously often. His actions can be exasperating, and every day I have to start again with new hope for how I will parent him. We're all in, though, and have been since he strutted into our lives that St. Patrick's Day. Give us time.
Mr. Strut is a survivor. That is what I am realizing. He fights all the time, but it is because that is how he survived his first 18 months. He can't just turn that off now that he is safe and well-fed and taken care of. He sees confrontation where there is none. He sees danger when there is none. He feels slighted when he isn't. We have a long road ahead of us, so we will go one step at a time.
There are so many beautiful parts of his personality, and I am proud that he is a survivor. Life has tried to knock him down too many times, and that child gets right back up and puts a smile on his face and gives it his all once again. He is amazing. He'll hug anyone. When he is in the right frame of mind, he makes friends so much easier than any of the other little ones. Kids love him. He's fun and bold and willing to do just about anything. He learns so quickly when something is taught in the right way. That brain of his is amazing if you let it work its magic. He is also one of the main nurturers in the family. If someone is sad or hurt or the baby is upset, he is first to the scene to survey the damage and apply a band-aid, shake a baby toy, or sooth an emotional would.
There are so many complex facets wound up into one precious Zade. I feel a lot of pressure to do things just right as his parent, and I mess up ridiculously often. His actions can be exasperating, and every day I have to start again with new hope for how I will parent him. We're all in, though, and have been since he strutted into our lives that St. Patrick's Day. Give us time.
1 comment:
Your description of Mr. Strut fits my Baby J to a T! Just tonight I described him as a survivor- one who know how to play the game when he needs to. He did not have his physical and emotional needs met as an infant and the results of that are rearing their ugly head. But, he is the sweetest, funniest little guy. We also are all in, despite- and because of- the challenges. Thanks for sharing about Mr. Strut.
Post a Comment