The Struggle and Fear and Stress of Foster-to-Adopt
In Texas, parents get a full year to work a case plan ordered by the judge in order to get their children back. There are occasional extensions given, but overall El Paso is pretty strict at the 1-year-thing. If the parents have not completed their plan in that time-frame, the rights of the parents can be terminated. If the rights are terminated or if the parents relinquish knowing they are about to lose their rights, the child becomes legally adoptable. Close family members have another 90 days to come forward before foster parents or others can adopt.
Good foster parents accept a placement with the goal of returning the child to their family. This is what foster parenting is. Even though we hoped to adopt, we did not accept a placement hoping that the parents would fail and we could adopt their children. We knew that relatives could come forward at any time, too. Until foster children have been in a foster home for a full year, foster parents here have absolutely no rights, and we understood this and were still happy to accept foster placements. We knew somehow, someday, a child or two (now 5!) would need a place to stay forever.
Zade's case spoiled us because it went exactly as designed. After a year, his mom decided to relinquish just before the termination hearing. His dad's rights were terminated in court. We were given adoption paperwork and told to contact a lawyer and set a date for adoption at least 90 days later. We adopted Zade 95 days after the termination hearing. Everything went exactly as designed by the system for when the parents do not complete their plans. It was lovely, and we thought all cases would work just like that.
We were oh, so wrong.
Cassia and Edison joined our family about 5 weeks after Zade did, so their 1-year-termination trial (Final Hearing) was only five weeks after Zade's. Their parents also did not do the things the court had asked them to do in order to have their children returned. We were told we would likely be able to adopt them a few weeks after Zade's adoption, the same summer. We counted on it.
If you know the end of this story, you know that we adopted them more than a year after Zade's adoption, in July, yes, but the July a whole year later. Since we had had the children for a full year at the termination date, we were less than eager to see them go by then.
They were our kids. Edison knew no other home, and Cassia was happy and safe and secure. The reality of foster care, though, is that the biological family could still come forward for 90 days after the parents relinquished even though they did not come forward during that full year of foster care. What happened in this case is that CPS made an agreement during mediation with the parents that the parents would relinquish only on the grounds that CPS would fully consider a list of relatives that the parents then suggested for placement.
It took a full year for CPS to look into the list of relatives. Two were local relatives and were ruled out pretty quickly for various safety reasons. Another out-of-state relative was ruled out. The last relative took an entire year for our CPS to work with the other state's CPS to get a full adoptive homestudy completed. During that year this relative showed now interest in the children. She never asked to meet them or have phone calls with them or send them gifts on their birthdays or even inquire about them or about how to speed up the process as relatives who are eager to take in their loved ones most often do. She also would move, and it would take CPS a while to locate her again.
There were various points during that year when we had hope that we were about to be allowed to adopt the children. There was a hearing in December of last year where the case worker asked to bypass the relative searches and move toward adoption by us. We were so excited when we heard that was being suggested. It was denied, however, since the grounds of mediation required that they look into the family members fully. We were then told that it might be time to hire a lawyer.
We did. We met with a lawyer and discussed the case. He said that, since we had had the children for more than a year (in Texas), and since the parents relinquished, that we could simply petition to adopt. He said he would file the petition in January. I still remember that day and how much joy we felt. We were again so excited! January came and went. February came and went. I secretly hoped at that point that maybe we could adopt right around Jon's 40th birthday in March. What beautiful timing that would be!
Our lawyer was impossible to reach. CPS was still waiting for the homestudy. We had no idea what we could do. By April we finally could reach our attorney. There was a hearing set, but no one knew about it. CPS got mad. The caseworker started questioning our caregivers' legality and little toddler bruises that hadn't been properly reported. We were told the hearing could not happen because a positive homestudy for the relative was expected any day. It got very, very scary. Our agency was concerned. I felt the floor falling out from under us. The children had been with us for almost two years at this point. Edison was now 2, and Cassia was 4 and neither one remembered being in any other family than ours.
May came and left without the positive homestudy ever arriving despite promises from the other state. June came, and the homestudy did, too. The relative was approved by her state to adopt the children. CPS had one day to make a recommendation to the court whether to send the children to the relative (and we would fight like crazy with full support of our agency and of the children's CASA) or whether to deny the homestudy.
The homestudy was denied by CPS. The felt the children should stay right where they were! We could adopt as soon as the court had an opening. That week was too busy at the courthouse. The early July holiday got in the way, too, but they finally were able to find a date on July 8. Oh, my, gosh! To have a date after waiting so long was unbelievable.
Standing before the judge after a year of stress and worry was powerful. A lawyer asked Jon why we should be able to adopt the children and he cried through his answer. These were OUR children. They were sister and brother to our other kids. We had been through every bump and bruise and asthma scare for two years. We had watched the first steps and helped a little girl learn to trust and bond. We could have gone on for hours about why we should be able to adopt. When the gavel struck, announcing our new forever family, I turned to Cassia to tell her that we did it. It was the happiest I could have possibly been. An easy case and adoption is beautiful and so much preferable, but this hard-earned adoption meant so very much.
Part of being foster parents is letting go when that is what is required, and we have done that. This was different, and I am so very thankful that CPS really did take a stand for the best interest of these children after two years of being in our home. We know it does not always happen that way, and we know how blessed we and the children are to have each other! Maybe that's why Edison is spoiled rotton?!
It took a full year for CPS to look into the list of relatives. Two were local relatives and were ruled out pretty quickly for various safety reasons. Another out-of-state relative was ruled out. The last relative took an entire year for our CPS to work with the other state's CPS to get a full adoptive homestudy completed. During that year this relative showed now interest in the children. She never asked to meet them or have phone calls with them or send them gifts on their birthdays or even inquire about them or about how to speed up the process as relatives who are eager to take in their loved ones most often do. She also would move, and it would take CPS a while to locate her again.
There were various points during that year when we had hope that we were about to be allowed to adopt the children. There was a hearing in December of last year where the case worker asked to bypass the relative searches and move toward adoption by us. We were so excited when we heard that was being suggested. It was denied, however, since the grounds of mediation required that they look into the family members fully. We were then told that it might be time to hire a lawyer.
We did. We met with a lawyer and discussed the case. He said that, since we had had the children for more than a year (in Texas), and since the parents relinquished, that we could simply petition to adopt. He said he would file the petition in January. I still remember that day and how much joy we felt. We were again so excited! January came and went. February came and went. I secretly hoped at that point that maybe we could adopt right around Jon's 40th birthday in March. What beautiful timing that would be!
Our lawyer was impossible to reach. CPS was still waiting for the homestudy. We had no idea what we could do. By April we finally could reach our attorney. There was a hearing set, but no one knew about it. CPS got mad. The caseworker started questioning our caregivers' legality and little toddler bruises that hadn't been properly reported. We were told the hearing could not happen because a positive homestudy for the relative was expected any day. It got very, very scary. Our agency was concerned. I felt the floor falling out from under us. The children had been with us for almost two years at this point. Edison was now 2, and Cassia was 4 and neither one remembered being in any other family than ours.
May came and left without the positive homestudy ever arriving despite promises from the other state. June came, and the homestudy did, too. The relative was approved by her state to adopt the children. CPS had one day to make a recommendation to the court whether to send the children to the relative (and we would fight like crazy with full support of our agency and of the children's CASA) or whether to deny the homestudy.
The homestudy was denied by CPS. The felt the children should stay right where they were! We could adopt as soon as the court had an opening. That week was too busy at the courthouse. The early July holiday got in the way, too, but they finally were able to find a date on July 8. Oh, my, gosh! To have a date after waiting so long was unbelievable.
Standing before the judge after a year of stress and worry was powerful. A lawyer asked Jon why we should be able to adopt the children and he cried through his answer. These were OUR children. They were sister and brother to our other kids. We had been through every bump and bruise and asthma scare for two years. We had watched the first steps and helped a little girl learn to trust and bond. We could have gone on for hours about why we should be able to adopt. When the gavel struck, announcing our new forever family, I turned to Cassia to tell her that we did it. It was the happiest I could have possibly been. An easy case and adoption is beautiful and so much preferable, but this hard-earned adoption meant so very much.
Part of being foster parents is letting go when that is what is required, and we have done that. This was different, and I am so very thankful that CPS really did take a stand for the best interest of these children after two years of being in our home. We know it does not always happen that way, and we know how blessed we and the children are to have each other! Maybe that's why Edison is spoiled rotton?!
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