The end of foster parenting

...has been ripped out of our greasy fingers.  We were so close.  When the fire inspector came earlier this month, I was happy to think that we wouldn't need an inspection again this time next year.

We will be done foster parenting!

We have been doing the math as to whether we really need to go to any trainings at all in the next couple months.

We will be done foster parenting!

When we worked with our family services worker on the six-month service plan for Asa, I commented that the next time it's due, we will have adopted him.  This would be our last service plan.

We will be done foster parenting!

I had started to count down the months' worth of reports to file:  only January, February, and March left.

We will be done foster parenting!

I thought of spur-of-the-moment trips out of state, like all the way to Las Cruces, or even to the skate park 3 miles from here.  We won't need to plan ahead in order to get the appropriate approvals.

We will be done foster parenting!

We were ready to pass on the torch to my sister.  We were ready to take an advisory role.  We were ready to be done with having to keep our house clean and ready for surprise inspections all the stinkin' time.

We will be done foster parenting!

Only, we got a call that changed all that.  We knew we might get a call for a foster placement, and we knew we would pray about God's plan for our family.  "Whom shall we love today?" could turn out to be another child or two.  We knew there was a chance we would continue for a while longer.  I told God that He'd have to show me a BIG sign if we are supposed to continue to do this.  I don't trust my eyesight or heart with those little signs anymore.  If I didn't see a BIG sign that we are supposed to be open for more children, then we were all set to close our foster home on the very day after Asa's adoption.  The April 2015 adoption.

We got the sign.  We got a sign far bigger than one I had imagined and a sign that I truly never expected and certainly never wanted.

Asa's birth mom has filed an appeal of the termination of her parental rights.  It takes one year at the very least for appeals to be heard, but the one appeals case Asa's case worker has experienced took two full years before being heard.  There may be absolutely no grounds for this appeal.  The birth mom could have no intention of even going to court on the day or week of the hearing, but we still wait a year or two before the case is heard.

We just got volunteered to be foster parents for another year or two.  Maybe we will adopt Asa in April, but the year will be 2016 or 2017 instead of just two months away.  Until then, we will get fire inspections and fulfill all our training requirements and attend service plan meetings every six months and turn in paperwork every month and document all those toddler bumps and bruises and stay close to home unless we get prior approval and continue with all the foster parent requirements.  I didn't think I had it in me to be part of the foster care system long term, but I think we may just make it to five years.

Of course, Asa is worth it!  No one feels that there is any reason to worry about the outcome of the appeals, so I am going to do my best to keep worry out of the equation, too.  I'm sad and hurt and grieving a bit, but I'm planning to get over that soon.

With Cassia and Edison's case, we waited an extra year without realizing that it would be an extra year.  We kept hoping for the go-ahead to adopt at any moment.  This time, at least we know we have a long road ahead of us.  At least Asa is with us for it all, and he is beyond worth a couple extra years of being a foster parent!

I have goals this time around.  I want to be a more patient and graceful wait-er.  I am going to do my best not to rant about his other mom.  I am confused and have so much I would like to say, but I am going to try to be quiet.  I am going to try my very best to not get even sadder when this April rolls around.  I am going to do my best to not get annoyed at having to ask others to cut his hair and drive out of state, even though I have been his mother for almost every bit of his life.  I am going to obediently write up my monthly paperwork even when my heart thinks of him as MY son and not a ward of the state.

I have always thought that we have been able to experience a little bit of everything on our foster care journey.  This allows us to relate to other foster parents and talk to those just starting the journey.   We have seen just about everything.  This is something new to add to our experiences.  I am trying to grow into a better person step by step.  This next year or two of waiting to adopt Asa will give me lots of moments to practice my growth in many ways.

Here's to the next 2 years of foster parenting!  I look forward to sitting through trainings with you, Saralyn!