Lent

My brain has been pondering what I should be doing this Lent for the past several weeks.  At first I really wanted a daily worship service to properly orient me each and every day this season, but Jon was only willing to increase his own work load by 40 times for my sake if I had others who wanted to also join me in this commitment.  Alas, I did not find others similarly seeking this form of early morning bliss :).

I considered strict fasting, taking away screen time from the whole family, giving up Facebook or coffee.  I could commit to praying the hours seven times each day.  The world is full of ideas, but none seemed just right.

I REALLY wanted to take steps toward greater spirituality this season.  I wanted someone to just.tell.me.what.to.do.already!  Tell me the magic formula to make me a better person and to help me show how grateful I am for all I have and all I am.  What is the right thing to do for Lent?

I prayed for guidance.  After reading article after article, list after list, suggestion after suggestion, I stumbled on something I usually wouldn't read but read it anyway.  It wasn't an amazing article, but it's differing viewpoint flipped a switch for me.

None of those things I thought about doing for Lent would actually get me where I wanted to be in this ACTUAL life I lead.  I want to be the best I can be in this life God gave me.  40 days of strict focus on my heart and soul and life might actually take away from where God has me right now.  My life and story are not the same as anyone else's, and the results of those practices would not be the same.  

If I give up morning coffee, I might get grumpy and remember to pray, but I'm not going to get closer to being who God wants me to be today.  My kids will be the ones noticing the shortness in my tone.  If I get everyone dressed and out the door for daily worship, I'm not going to get closer to who God wants me to be right now.  My kids would be the ones I'm rushing to get ready in time, and a toddler who doesn't want to get shoes on when I'm in a rush may not be seeing the best side of me.  If I tell my kids to leave me alone each time I need to step away to pause for prayer, I'm not getting closer to who God wants me to be right now.  My kids are being pushed away those 7 sacred times a day.  If I'm pushing people away, how sacred are those times?

What is this season of my life that only I am living and only for this moment?  This is my mom-to-lots-of-kids-at-home time.  I am the mom to eight great kids. Right now.  This isn't going to be my life forever.  Doing this job better is serving God better, is pushing me to be a better person, is helping to raise others who can then be better at whatever they are to do in their lives.  If I am committing to do things for Lent that cause me to push my children away, it cannot be right.  

Instead, I commit this Lenten season to bring my children (the least of these, maybe?) closer.  If Facebook time causes me to push them away, then I'll cut back.  I can color with them instead.  If reading my Bible means they are told 1,218 times to stop bothering me, then that's not the right time or way to read my Bible.  I can read them a story instead.  If getting up extra early to get a perfect start to the day means I'm too tired to be nice to them at 8pm, then I may need to rethink something.  

I commit to joining my children outside more often.  I will pray with them and for them instead of insisting on quiet time for my own prayers.  I will make them cocoa or tea to enjoy while I have my cup of coffee instead of packing away my own cup for 40-some days.  I will call them all over to join me if I see something adorable on my screen rather than turn off my computer for the next several weeks.

I commit this Lenten season to get closer to my children and to spend more time enjoying them.  I have a hunch that I will find all sorts of glimpses of God when I do.  

We each have our own lives to lead, our own paths to follow.  I am not going to become saint material by trying to fit into someone else's mold of spirituality.  I am not going to become saint material no matter what I attempt.  No one else's list of top spiritual practices for Lent have been written by someone doing what I am doing right now.  I lead a different life, and my path will be different.