Miss Personality

I'm sort of in a nostalgic mood with this little gal because it's likely that she will be leaving us within the next month to return home to her mom.  She is now 15-months-old and has been with us for 8 of those months.  Of these kids, she was the first to arrive, exactly one week after our sibling set went to live with relatives.  She is starting to talk in phrases.  She loves circle time and painting and coloring and running and pushing doll strollers with the others.

I look at pictures of her when she first arrived as a little baby, and now she is quite the toddler.  She is absolutely sure she is as big and grown up as our 2-year-olds.  She does her best to keep up with them.      She lives up to her nickname.  Every emotion she has is big.  Her moods are big.  If she gets her feelings hurt or (heaven help us) doesn't get what she wants when she wants it, the tears flow long and hard and nothing will stop them.

She is going through some transitions right now, and her emotions are fairly raw.  This has shown up as new and strong fears.  It's hard to watch a little one go through this process.  Our goal is to love her like crazy while she is still here (without spoiling her rotten) and then say goodbye with as much grace as possible.

The number two comment we get when people hear we are foster parents is, "oh, I could never do that. I would get too attached."  (The number one comment we get is, "wow, you have your hands full.")  I don't think people realize that they are implying that they are more loving than I am and therefore would get more attached than I would or that somehow I am not going to get attached to a child who I have cared for day and night for 8-plus months.

Of course I'm attached to Miss Personality!  If you are not getting attached, the kids are not likely getting the love that they need to get through this difficult time in their life.  We have no idea how crushing it is going to be to say goodbye to her because we have never had someone this long. We will not focus on that moment until that moment comes.  We have reminded ourselves and each other all along that Miss Personality is only here with us until she can go back home, so her leaving is not a surprise.  We have known all along that foster parenting is different than adoption, that it is not forever, and now we have to feel it in a big way.  It seems like we will survive, that we are all in this for the right reasons, that we are proud of the role we have played in her life while she has been here.  I do worry what the other littles will think and feel when she goes.  I do know that things will get easier in some ways (2 toddlers has to be easier than 3), but that it will all feel so wrong for a long, long time.  We will miss her in a million ways, big and small, and we will worry about her and wonder about her forever.

For now, though, we will have fun with her and live like we have lived for the last 8 months.  We will be thoroughly entertained and amused by our silly, little Miss Personality as long as she's here!